All Hail Piels

I would like to honor a true gentleman: Piels beer. This is a beer of true character. A repugnant and skunked character, but character none the less. This beer defines the lowest common denominator (with some notable competition by Golden Anniversary). However it is still brewed and drunk every day. Imagine the low standards of the Piels brewmaster. I predict that his wife is fat and has a low sex drive, his dog smells like fungus, and that his favorite pass time is collecting Rainbow Brite toys (and going to the associated conventions). The perfect man to brew the worst beer in the world.

Why the sudden interest in the wet fart of beers? I had a bad experiment with partigyle brewing (where you make a strong beer and a weak beer out of the same batch). The weak beer came out with some defects. I ran it though some gelatin treatments to strip the astringent flavors out, and ended up stripping all the flavors out. As such, I heard the bowel liquefying comment of "this tastes like Piels" from one of my guests this weekend. This statement was true but brutal. With my gelatin treatment, I was certainly polishing the proverbial turd. And of course it just kept stinking.

Maybe I do like Piels after all. The brewers wife might just have a glandular condition and a fantastic personality that includes a passion for Tales from the Darkside. His dog might be charming. However I doubt this. I will make this promise: Should I see Piels in any sort of bottle, I will buy it. I'm sure it's just the cans that ruin the taste of Piels. However, I think Piels just comes in 40s. Damn that brewer and his stretchmarked wife. I bet she has an oval belly button.